Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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