I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
