I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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