Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
