At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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