mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
