I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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