There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
