An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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