Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
