He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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