All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
