its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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