Banned from zoo.
Again?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My vagina is very pro this idea
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
