you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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