she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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