Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
