how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
