It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
