I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
