Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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