My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
