a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
