Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
