having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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