So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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