glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
