I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
