Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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