I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
