i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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