My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
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