His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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