I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
