so explain again why im purple
no
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
