I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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