I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
