Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
