We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
