A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
did i walk over a car last night?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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