I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
