I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
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You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
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my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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