my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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