chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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