she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
