My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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