Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
zippers are such a cool invention
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
