If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
