Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
