my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
