I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
