I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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