I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
