I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
