All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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