his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
