i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
