He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
