There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
