It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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