my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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