I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
