brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
