That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
