3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Your penis caused this!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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