If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
soo... how was my night?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
