Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
