she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
ttyl tear gas
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
