I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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