Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
