The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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