That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
