I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
