It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
