I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
